No.3 Love you.

There are things that Marvin does that I can't be more grateful for. 

There are things that he says that I'll always cherish.

I love knowing that I'm the only one on his mind 24/7. 

I love knowing that he thinks about us. (He's kinda a girl like that.) 

Yesterday, he got all excited on the phone and I was wondering what was up. 

Then he was like, "I know this might sound cheesy, but I know where I want to go for our honeymoon." 

And I was surprised that he'd be thinking about this... cuz it's normally the girl who fantasizes about these things right? (And trust me, I already have a ceremony pictured, reception dreamt, honeymoon all plaaaanned.) 

I guess not, though. Because he sent me this link: http://www.poseidonresorts.com/poseidon_main.html

And I AM SOOOOOO DOWN. haha, even if it's going to be like 10 or 12 years from now. 

Things like this, Marvin, remind me why I love you.

No.4: If I could ask God just one question.

Just finished watching the notebook...(for the millionth time; and I still teared up!)

and I realized (through a song in the movie) that there are a million things I don't know.

And that I'm always hungry for answers. But I don't know me. 

I'd like to say that I do know me completely. I know that I have a lot of pride sometimes... and I can never admit it (it's actually pretty difficult for me to type that here too), that I like eating liver (weird, I know), that I can't stand it when people drag their feet, that I drag my feet when I'm mad... and then get even more mad at myself for dragging my feet, that I can't stand people who breathe in my ear, that I need to sleep north to south, that I need to sleep facing a window, that I hate hate hate the colour green (besides my uniform, there's nothing green in my closet except a hollister shirt that was a present and hasn't been worn...) 

but those are hardly beyond the surface type facts. 

I wish I knew things about my past too. Why they happened and how they've shaped me now.

I want to figure out me. 

And I want to figure out the world at the same time. 

Yeah, I know that sounds a bit over ambitious and kind of arrogant. Because, how can I? 

I know I can't. But I wanna try. That's number four. Not to demand answers but to be hungry for knowledge... and to try to know God by trying to get to know everything He's created... and that includes me.

"Who holds the stars up in the sky? Is true love just once in a life-time? Did the captain of the Titanic cry? Does anybody know the way to Atlantis? Or what the wind says when she cries? Someday we'll know if love can move a mountain. Someday we'll know why the sky is blue. Someday we'll know..." 

Why'd Samson love Delilah? 

My Yearbook Quote, thanks gin.

"On ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur.
L'essential est invisible pour les yeux."
-Le Petit Prince

No. 5 Goodbyes

I've said good bye more than I would like... but anyone can say that. 

And no matter how much we think it's for the greater good. 

We know how much each one tears at us. 

And we know that we have to live positively, live forward, and live on. 

What we can't do is live our lives always fearing the next goodbye.

Because chances are they're not going to stop.

The thing is, we have to recognize when saying good bye is a good thing... when it's a chance to live again.

Number 7: I can never pin-point as to when or how I have said good bye to certain people. But I always know why. And the why in all of these good-byes never hit me right away. But, when I look back... all of these good-byes have always been a good thing. They have always shaped me or moulded me in one way or another. They have always built upon the person of who I was... making the person of who I am... today. 

... Number seven is to say good bye with the hope that there is that better person inside of me. 

Or maybe to find a new person in me all together.

No. 6: Lost 10lbs.

I wasn't looking to lose any weight. Actually. 

But I realized that my jeans (size 1...actually) were starting to get loose and I started to buy a lot of belts... 

Then just forgot about the belts and started buying size 0. 

I didn't go on any crazy diet. 

I didn't try any endless work-outs. 

I just became too busy for the vital things in my life. 

I forgot to eat dinner sometimes... because I'd be updating a script or two. 

I chose not to eat lunch because I had to study so that I could sleep after play rehearsal... and yeah, I'd be too sleepy to eat. 

I'm not anorexic. Promise. 

I'm just that type of person who will go crazy if I'm not doing anything; the type that always needs to be busy. 

But I've learned my lesson. After being seriously dizzy, light-headed, and almost always tired... (basically walking like I'm drunk) I've really learned my lesson. I've been in bed for the past 18 hours (which is complete torture for a person like me) and have to take a blood test for what, my doctor thinks, could be hypoglycemia. (Without diabetes... which I didn't know was possible.) 

Loving the quick fixes for hypoglycemia though: 

• a tablespoon of table sugar
• half a cup of fruit juice or regular pop
• 1 table spoon of honey or corn syrup (yuck.)
• 2 table spoons of jam
• 2 table spoons of raisins
• 3 glucose tablets
• 1/2 a tube of glucose gel (this doesn't sound appealing at all...)

I've gotta remember that these things definitely won't get done if I keep living like this. 

Number 6: LIVE. Live to the fullest by doing the things I love and doing the things I need to do.

No.7: Awareness.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."

-Anais Nin

I was skytraining to school at about 7 am. (I take it from the Island Suburbs of Richmond to the busy city of Vancouver.)The sky was purple, and it made me smile. Then I noticed how

the strong mountains stood there, dressed in a dark almost handsome type of blue... then I noticed that streaks of pink started to seep into the sky; it made the whole scene so picture-esque.

However, I couldn't help but wince at the fact that I have never noticed these things before. I have been taking the skytrain since the summer time and I hope this is the first time this has happened...

and that it wasn't just my (unknown/"unconscious") ignorance that has caused me to ignore these miracles. I'm just glad that that is the past... and this is the now. NOW I will be able to witness the small miracles that remind me each day that the world is a beautiful place. That where I live, where I am... where my heart is... is pure BEAUTY. And I will that way forever. Grateful that despite how UNDESERVING I am, God reached out to me with a miraculous sunrise. Grateful that he created such a busy/stressful week in order for me to be aware of such a beautiful sky. (Which in turn, made me pause for just one moment in my life.)

Grateful and aware.

"If we could see the miracle

of a single flower clearly,

our whole LIFE would change."

-Buddha

Beautifully spoken.

If someone were to ask me where I was on this whole gay/lesbian marriage issue...
this sums it up perfectly.
I don't hate it.
I don't love it.
But I think we can learn from it.

To: girlsarethenewboys.blogspot.com

I disagree with your last post.  (Day 14: Through Space and Time) 

BECAUSE time works in accordance to love. Time moves at a constant pace and love can take advantage of that. Love moves (whether deliberate or not; is it's own choice) in ways that time can't even comprehend.Time can't sense it's own speed because it has to be quickened or slowed by an over-powering emotion such as love. Time will always be moving. But love... love is free.

I think that everyone's dream of love putting time in a "chokehold"... isn't a false hope.

Love can make time sprint at 500 miles a minute or even push it to a slow, sultry tango. If love is the music; time is only the tempo...adjusted to SUIT and to accentuate the elegant sounds of what we humans experience as love.

No.8: On my way up.

"We should all grow up one day. But not grow apart."

-Mary Lawson in Crow Lake

Resolution Number 8: Sweet and simple.  I wanna be able to be with people who are where I am. Ready. And that's all; a stage of readiness. Ready to face life even when it smacks you hard on the cheek. I want to surround myself with people who are willing. Ready and willing. I know, a St. Pat's cliche... but it's expected after 5 years in this school. I want people who are just about at the top of the ladder... teetering there, just trying not to look down... trying to take a step up instead of two steps down. And hoping to God that no one at the bottom  is close enough to shake that ladder. 

No.9: Beat on

"Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter—tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

-Fitzgerald in The Great Gatsby

Resolution #9: To forget the past and the future. To remember the now and live it. To remember that life has already started and that it depends on me to mount it and ride it out to its fullest. To focus on the now and remember that everything else will follow.

No.10: Gratitude

"Your saluting someone for doing big things allows that person to feel themselves as being “up to big things” and spins that person’s life in a whole new direction. "

-Jason Mraz

Resolution #10: I will show, more directly, my gratitude for those I encounter who have moved me to spin in a whole new direction....those who have transformed my life.