Let me make my POINT.

It's time that I make a U-turn and disagree,
There are different points on this map,
And over there is you and over here is me.

Listen to what I think.
It's time I made my point.
This just might look like paper and ink.

But I'm actually tired waiting for you to come around.
Waiting for you to drive around my way is useless.
I'd be brainless,
I'd be senseless,
Because all of this,
ALL OF YOU, is completely pointless.

It's a useless dance.
Pained and tired, I broke my leg-joint.
It'll take forever to retrace our steps,
You always missed the beat; you were never on point.
I value our friendship
and this was why I tried.
I should've bit my lip.
I told you everything; I had nothing to hide.

So now stop pointing fingers,
You're the only one in this game.
Turn that finger around,
You've only got you to blame.


You asked me to play
And now I refuse to join...
It's over and done. (I'm over you and we're done.)
I've made my point.

Laaaazy Weekend

So I decided to have some "me" time.

FRIDAY:
Went to the states with the familia and marvin.
And then I couldn't go to Manny's... ):
Sorry manny! Happy birthday and I hope we're still friends.

So I just watched the movie "The Women" with Marvin
which is a movie with an all women-cast...but I didn't even notice!
And whilst watching, Marvin and I baked/ate apple cinnamon scones and spam with rice hahaha!
Then I read my book :)
And I MOOOOVED UPSTAIRS! BACK INTO MY OLD BED!!!! YAAAAAY!
Best thing that happened to me in 2009 so far.

And then today I woke up in my OWN bed :)
Read my book, phoned Marvin, baked more scones and ate sushi with the familia.
I spent my whole afternoon babysitting Carlos...and he is the CUTEST.
My goodness.
He's at that stage where he likes making a mess and putting it away or organizing it somehow.
He took our coasters and lined them up on the sofas in our TV room. It was so cute watching him inspect them before carefully placing them in a some-what not really straight line.
And then his parents picked him up and left after some din-din.
And now I'm watching A Cinderella Story-Channel 19.

Night guys!

Ever felt like this?

Either like you don't belong...or that everyone in the world is looking down on you?
Or like that everyone just seems to be picking out your flaws?
Or have you felt like everyone is constantly mad at you?

Yeah...it sucks.

I am not sick. I am not sick. I am not sick. *clicks heels together*

But seriously now.
I'm NOT going to admit I'm sick.
Because CLEARLY I'm not.

I'm going to study for bio LIKE NO OTHER.
I'm going to learn everything I have to learn (cell biology especially because I've got human biology down like the sunset.)
I have to work on Organic Molecules, Eukaryotic Cells, and Plasma Membranes with their Permeability and such. AND THEN I think I've got it down. It's the organic molecules I didn't understand at all...so here goes nothing.

NO.

Here goes something. I WILL MAKE SOMETHING OUT OF THESE 32 Chapters I have to study.

Oh, and I will get an A on my Chem exam....I will....watch.


I wish I was sick ;)

The president is black.

The president is black
In fact...he's half white.
So even in a racist mind...he's half right.
If you have a racist mind...you be aiiight.
My president is black...but his house is all white.

Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther could WALK,
Martin Luther walked so Barack Obama could RUN,
Barack Obama ran so all our children could F L Y.
So Imma spread my wings, you could meet me in the sky.


No more war, no more Iraq,
No more white lies - my president is black.

My Disney Adventure.

So I was piecing together Enchanted...
AND...
1) hooly there are so many aspects of the different Disney movies in that ONE movie.
2) and I was right...there IS a dragon in The Sleeping Beauty. Hah! (I win.)

You say my name like there could be an us.

Humiliation.
You can't get enough out of laughing at me.
You went as far as to pull my chair from underneath me
and I landed squat on the ground.

There are bruises now.
And I only have you to thank. I can't sit quite right anymore

I'm the only one in love.
So stop "saying my name as if there's an us."


I best tidy up my head.
Because I'm the only one in love.

Persuasion.

"I was almost convinced.
You almost convinced me. "



So, I was planning on sleeping in tomorrow morning...because I'm sick like no other and THEN my dad goes, "Let's practice your driving tomorrow." OF ALL TIMES. I mean...I always ask him and then the ONE time I don't want to...he can. So really...I'm getting 8 hours of sleep instead of my intended 12. We can't have it all.

(Speaking of which: Have It All-Claude Kelly. Hate the lyrics. Love the beat.)

Later days.

Indestructible.

You should know...that we're indestructible.



THIS IS CRRRRAZY:
Twins...IDENTICAL twins. ONE WHITE and another BLACK.
And if that isn't enough,
it happened twice...to the same parents.
I swear to God they're aliens. haha, just kidding. It's crazy though! I want a white version of me.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/28471626/

"We're all alright."

I value our friendship too.

otherwise I wouldn't be trying to fix this.

NOTE: Stop watching the 70's show. hahaha...

Don't ever make me choose.

Right under my feet there's a pile of bricks made of air...
they pull me down and turn me week.
For YOU I find myself repeating like a broken tune
and I'm forever excusing your intentions and I give in to my pretendings.
Which forgive you each time without me knowing.

They melt my heart to stone.

And I hear your words that I made up.
You say my name like there could be an us.
I best tidy up my head...I'm the only one in love.

Each and every time I turn around to leave.
I feel my heart begin to burst and bleed.
So desperately I try to link it with my head
but instead I fall back to my knees as you tear your way right through me.
I forgive you.
ONCE AGAIN.
Without me knowing...you've burnt my heart to stone.

Why do you steal my hand whenever I'm standing my own ground?
You build me up then leave me dead.

WELL it's hard to say I'm sorry...especially when I DON'T MEAN IT.


whatta cute song.

You're still my sunset.

Your innocent smile used to drive me wild even though you're not innocent at all and now I feel so stupid because I'm the only one that has ever loved you even with all your flaws.
Even your best friend questioned why I still wanted to be with you after knowing your past
but he didn't understand in knowing your past was why I thought we could last.

What happened to us?
We had something special but
I wasn't good enough for you.
Are you really in love?
Or am I just some game to you?


THIS IS MY 2009 LESSON to keep in mind:

If something is worth having at all,
it's worth waiting for
and working for.

In order to get something, you gotta give something.
In order to BE something, you gotta go THROUGH something.

No pain, no gain.

And remember that love is a flower that always needs sunshine in the rain.

MY STUDYING PUMP-UP SONG...

Who wants to be right as rain?
It's better when something is wrong; you get excitement in your bones and everything you do's a game. When night comes and you're all on your own you can say I chose to be alone.
Who wants to be right as rain?
It's harder when you're on top.

Cause when hard work don't pay off and I'm tired; there ain't no room in my bed, as far as I'm concerned. So wipe that dirty smile off. We won't be making up.

I've cried my heart out
and now I've had enough of love.

Who wants to be riding high when you'll just crumble back on down.
You give up everything you are and even then you don't get far.
They make us believe that everything is exactly what it seems.
But at least when you're at your worst you know how to feel things.

See, when hard work don't pay off and I'm tired...there ain't room in my bed.

Go ahead and steal my heart to make me cry again

cause it'll never hurt as much as it did then
when we were both right and no one had blame
but now I give up on this endless game.

Who wants to be right as rain?
It's better when something's wrong.
I get excitement in my bones.
Even though everything's a strain.

When night comes in and I'm on my own you should know I chose to be alone.
Who wants to be right as rain?
It's harder when you're on top.

-Adele, Right as Rain

Now, if you'll excuse me...I must go study some socials. Sigh.

I've found a chance...

I've got this chance.
I've found this change in you...
It's something that feels so new
and it's got me divided in two.

Kill me now.

All night long I cried. Lonely sobs that seemed to go on forever. What had snapped in an instant for you took an agonizing week to break in me. But when the dawn came, I sniffled into a serene quiet. I had wept and shuddered myself into oblivion.

The seperation of two friends, two lovers...two anything-but-ordinary people. Similarily, it is no ordinary seperation. Imagine surviving an earthquake. When you come to, you find the world unrecognizable. The horizon is in a different place. The sun has changed colour. And everything has been pulled from it's roots. Nothing is secure.

Nothing remains of the terrain you know.

As for you, you are alive.

But it's not the same as living.
It's no wonder the survivors of such disasters so often wish they had perished with the others.

But what's worse, in my situation, is that I KNOW when this earthquake will hit. And I won't survive it...but rather...he will. And his suffering...HIS PAIN, is all my fault.

I wish I could utter a "sorry." But I know it'll never heal.

Take NOTICE.

Take notice that it's been a while...
Since I've surrendered to your embrace.
Take notice that I've lost my smile...
And swept away the tears with a certain grace.

Will you notice that I need your touch?
HEART to HEART rather than skin to skin,
Will you notice that it's never too much?
Please, just let me give in.

I've taken to your secrets,
Your jokes, your jests, your teasing,
I'm sorry "this shoe fits,"
And I'm sorry I've found better pleasing.

I'm not afraid to let you go,
It's about time we ended this,
And because you deserve to know,
Without you, I've finally found my bliss.

*Special Dedication to someone special...not my own story*

It's TIME.

It's about time that I stepped over...
thought over...
got over...

the scattered photographs on my bedroom floor;


those smiles that we've left behind and come to forget.
It's time I erase from my mind the time we met.

And I'll leave you there behind me...to find the truth in the myth.
Soaking in the tears that, with time, I've become aquainted with.

All you've known is yourself...
So take "you" elsewhere...take you and your ego...
Take your ugly self-admiration,
your worthless self-worth,
your unsatisfying self-satisfaction.

Because I've kicked that can a long time ago.


Confused doors painted in the colour of "men",
your arms know not when to open.
And time after time,

They forget how many times they've let in the "however many-many" people
and untrustworthy as they always are...
always were,


they forget the how many many umm-teen times they've closed in MY face.

You don't know why I ride this stormy cloud.
But it's about time you found out.
So take the time to take some time and realize that we're running out of time by playing this foolish game called, "L o v e."

Comforting Lies

"My gripe is not with lovers of the truth but with truth herself.
What succour, what consolation is there in the truth,
compared to a story? What good is the truth, at midnight,
in the dark, when the wind is roaring like a bear in the chimney?
What you need are the plump comforts of a story.
The soothing, rocking safety of a lie."
-Vida Winter, from the Thirteenth Tale

So, don't tell me the truth:
that your heart is rotten.

My Resolutions

1) 4.0 baby baby baby! Hopefully. Which really means that my goal is to study frequently and review bio daily.

2) Read more! I don't read enough :(

3) Let go and forget things that need letting go; things that I shouldn't busy myself with and that are just occupying space in my life that could be used in a more productive way.

4) Don't give up. Just move on.

5) GET RID of bad habits by replacing them with new good things...(Yes, I did learn that from Mr. Bohnen in Chem...and yes, I was listening. And go ahead, call me a keener.)

6) Don't be passive. I want to be able to take control of any situation given to me. And I have to stop thinking that things will take care of themselves without my help.

The future is not a gift, it is an ACHIEVEMENT.
-Robert F. Kennedy

MIDTERMS

I really need to start studying.
Instead of blogging.
I also need some notebooks...A LOT of notebooks.
I mean...I do have 8 mid-terms.
I think I just might kill myself. Maybe. Probably.
I'll go now.

Telephone Wires

Speak to me.
Whisper me a message through these telephone wires...
let your voice run wild through the sky,
past highrises, and over-seas.
My ears get this thrilling sensation with every spoken word.

"I've grown an eclectic taste in music!" I'd say.
"In what way?" You'd ask.
"Well, I put my mp3 on shuffle...and pressed forward...and it went from Pharell to Paramore to Pharcyde to Louis Armstrong. It was UNCANNY!" I'd exclaim.
"You don't say..."

And we'd burst into laughter. Can't you see it? It'll feel as if you're here, sitting beside me on this yellow chaise...hand in hand.

My gosh. I've lost my breath.

Endless Maybes.

The dalliance between yes and no. What a brutal, blunt way of assuming your indifference. That's really sad, but at the same time I watch the "m" roll off your lips and I'd rather hear nothing else.I flinch at the ay-be to follow and my world starts to spin. I always hated tire swings. Will you follow with a smile or leave me with my feet dangling, laces slowly loosening as the world as we know it grinds to a halt?Is this a yes-maybe or a no-maybe? Or one of those rare maybe-maybes that remain unanswered? Am in in a room half-lit or half dark? Or would you rather torture me; leaving me in between borders where the two stand ready for war?
I want to punch you.

Your face isn't square nor is it oval, it is defined by you...a shape of it's own. Your hands. Where do I start with your hands? They're sturdy and reliable, and still they carry the innocence of a child. However, godlier than all of these, are your goose feather duvet lips--always warm to the touch, they never cease to please. If it were only me they pleased.
Your maybes make me sick. You look as if you want to kiss me (oh how long I've waited to see that tell-tale gleam in your eyes, that lean in your chest), but I know the kiss will taste of a maybe so I turn my cheek and stare at the cement - not half as gentle as you, but twice as solid. Twice as sure.I'll forever be able to give you what you could never give me. Assurance. Certainty. A 'yes' or a 'no.' Have I told you yet how MUCH you make me sick? Yes, yes, yes, you do. See? Yes is not so unfamiliar to me, unlike how it is to you. Yes and no is untouched territory to you and I've come to realize what an unexperienced, ungrateful, and spoiled brat you are.

So go ahead and kiss the air and leave your maybes on every telephone we pass. Sure I'll hold your hand, but before I cup my palm I will fill it with certainty, and when I don't want to hold it anymore I will let go. And worry will flicker in your eyes and I will feel sorry for you, you and your maybes.

What'll you do then? When my confidence strikes you so suddenly like a bullet to the brain? What will you do when it comes up from behind you like a soldier at war? You should've known. You should've expected this.I exhale and leave a trace of indecision in the form of mist. How so like you. I look up.Why do you watch me as if I'm the hidden treasure at the bottom of Pandora's box? Is it just me? Or do you feel it too?Say yes. Or say no. Say something; make it sure.
Make it sweet.
Make it simple.

Whatever you do, don't make it - a homicide-worthy maybe.

I want to fish out that yes from your trachea. I want it to escape from your lips. I don't care, now, if I'll struggle...if we'll end up on the floor in mid-brawl when it comes undone. Because, darling, you belong to me.

Let's keep walking.


Written by Jessica (in blue) and me (in purple) :)

We were SUPPOSED to go watch seven pounds...but we all know writing is better than going to go watch a movie. Haha.
So go visit jess' blog : http://www.fortuite.blogspot.com/

And comment...please :)

1 out of my 3 wishes.

I might have said it before.
But that was before I had my genie.
I wish, more than anything,
to be more than JUST WORDS to you.

"Cutesies"

Je me demande même
Pourquoi je t'aime
Toi qui te moques de moi et de tout
Avec ton air
canaille,
canaille,
canaille.

2008 BESTS.

Marvin and I were playing 21 Questions related to 2008 bests:

and I realized a lot about the year.... and all of these things seemed to revolve around the realization that I ate A LOT of food, watched a ton of movies, and made a bucket-full of friends.

1. "What was the BEST food you've eaten this year?"
And after muuuuch pondering (because I've eaten at so many restaraunts this year) I told him it would have to be either nahn chu's (sp?) cheese-filled baby tomatos OR guu's deep fried cheese!
THEN I realized that I had forgotten about PaJo's FISH AND CHIPS! Aw man. If only they were open in the winter.

2."What was the best movie you've watched this year?"
Penelope. I don't know why...but it was so charming and so inspiring...and Shannon, Rona, and I cried! AND I also watched it with Marvin when we were still friends and that was fun. So I guess that's why.


(And I think he realized that that was why...so he asked me...)

3. " What's the best movie you've seen...that you HAVEN'T watched with me?"
Then I realized that there were no movies that I've watched without him. Because I'd watch them with my friends...and I'd want him to see them because they were normally really good. So that was a question we decided to "toss."

(But then I realize, now, that the best movie I've seen this year is Seven Pounds HANDS DOWN. The plot wasn't too complicated...it was simple when you step back from the emotional tidal waves and somehow, it still carried such an impact...such a driving influence. It was sad...but inspiring. And I think it's just what I needed to kick off 2009.)

4. "What's the BEST book you've read this year?"

And I easily answered Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. It wasn't really heavy (normally his books aren't) but it wasn't too light...it was perfectly dosed with enough touching moments to not drive me insane, and out of breath. However, it still left me thinking. And I found the notebook that I write quotes in and then I realized just how much some of the quotes applied to my life.

Here are some that I can relate to and some that I think you guys would like:

"I finally understood what true love meant...love meant that you care for another person's happiness more than your own, no matter how painful the choices you face might be."

"Passion is passion. It's the excitement between the tedious spaces, and it doesn't matter where it's directed...it can be coins or sports or politics or horses or music or faith...the saddest people I've ever met in life are the ones who don't care deeply about anything at all. Passion and satisfaction go hand in hand, and without them, any happiness is only temporary, because there's nothing to make it last."

"And when her lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the girl of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever."

“I read a lot, too. In the army, you have a lot of time to read, and people trade books back and forth or sign them out from the library until the covers are practically worn away. I don’t want you to get the impression that I because a scholar, because I didn’t. I wasn’t into Chaucer or Proust or Dostoevsky or any of those other dead guys; I read mainly mysteries and thrillers and books by Steven King, and I took a particular liking to Carl Hiaasen because his words flowed easily and he always made me laugh. I couldn’t help but think that if schools had assigned these books in English class, we’d have a lot more readers in the world.”

There were more, but those were the ones that I picked out from my notebook.

Anyways, those were some of the questions...I can't quite remember all of them. So, I'll ask Marvin what the rest of them were and update this later! Good night guys :)