Je serai tes ailes.

Tu seras mes ailes

Dans ce voyage éternal

Un monde nouveau nous appelle 

Pour des années lumiere, 

au fond de l'univers

Le bonheur nous appelle

Nos deux coeurs ont des ailes.

Mon amour, quand l'Amour monte au ciel....

"if you follow your heart"

A song I should 

take seriously.

Gotta "follow my 

heart."

(As corny as it sounds...)

"Good riddance to the beetle."

Thumbelina: "And the beetle says I'm ugly."

The Sparrow: "The beetle? You love the beetle?"

"No."

"Then never mind the beetle. Good riddance to the beetle. 

Does Prince Cornelius think you are ugly?"

"No, he thinks I'm beautiful."

"And so you are, mon ami."

that's a wrrrrap.

My wrapping skills aren't too bad this year!!!

I tried my  best to avoid the whole wrapping problem last year by just stuffing everything

in a bag with some nice tissue paper. (I even screwed that up by somehow managing to rip the tissue paper. It was awful.) But this year is different. I confronted the situation and imagined I was one of those people who get paid to wrap presents. (Still can't believe that is an actual profession. There's a profession for everything nowadays.) And I pretended that if I didn't get this right...I would get fired.

Although it sounds really dumb and retarded...it worked! 

Et voila! 

This was the result!

http://robo.to/ellalalaure

(The H&M thing is an inside joke!) 

kill.

I have never said something THIS immature buuut:

You're a stupid, ugly, DISRESPECTFUL whore.

That's all. (:

BITCH.

taken from christinadagger

I thought this was clever enough to do:

Add up the things you’ve done and the total with be your title.

$58.50 buuuut seriously...I blame number 17 and 18 on Marvin. Harsh not my fault. It should REALLY be $51.50

1. Had sex: $10.00
2. Smoked: $3.00
3. Got drunk: $7.00
4. Went skinny dipping: $5.00
5. Kissed someone of the opposite sex: $5.00
6. Kissed someone of the same sex: $5.00
7. Cheated on a test: $2.00  (Seriously?) 
8. Fell asleep in class $0.50  (I started in Grade 2...or was it 3? Either way I blame Jordan Macken for calling me out.)
9. Been expelled: $5.00
10. Been in a fist fight: $10.00
11. Given oral: $10.00
12. Got oral: $10.00
13. Prank called the cops: $3.00
14. Stole something: $2.00
15. Done drugs: $5.00
16. Dyed your hair: $0.50 (Proud to say that my hair is STILL a virgin.)
17. Done something with someone older (like a few years): $3.00 (Done something as in what? Whoever made this needs to get more precise....)
18. Went out with someone OVER 18 (if your under 18): $4.00  (whoever made this is stupid and we wouldn't get along cuz it's YOU'RE! not your!)
19. Ate a whole thing of oreos: $0.50
20. Cried yourself to sleep: $1.00
21. Said you love someone but didnt mean it: $1.00 (hmmmmm...)
22. Been in love: $4.00 (why is this $4?!?! It's not even a BAD thing.)
23. Got caught doing something that you shouldn’t have been doing: $1.00
24. Went streaking: $4.00
25. Got arrested: $5.00
26. Made out with someone: $2.00
27. Peed in the pool: $0.50  (What if I was in like... Kindergarten?!?!? Then what?!) 
28. Played spin the bottle: $1.00
29. Done something you regret: $3.00

Jason makes me YEARN to go back.

"Paris is a perfumed city, bedazzled in lights, leather and legs. It is a city that inspires poetry, romance and leave-in conditioner. This is the one city where I’m neither bothered by cigarette smokers nor stinky cheese. Being here makes me want a chateau to claim as my castle. Being here makes me want to sleep in an expensive suit while I dream in black in white. Yet while the city consumes my imagination, I am content in the corner, a tourist observing the colorful world in a state of perpetual newness. Even in the busiest of places, I find solace as if the city were sound proof, the babble of voices being the drone of raw emotion, nothing more. My understanding of the language is so minimal that comparing it to a call of wild animals is the best I can do to apply any meaning to it. Therefore, everything I hear is magical, like ears listening to ballet. The whir of le scooter, the ding of the vino, the clop of the boots and unzipping of jackets supply the musical accompaniment to all of it including my clinking miniature spoonfuls of sugar into my annual espresso. 

I come to this café every time I’m here as it’s right around the corner from my Parisian hotel away from home. It’s where I’ve purchased many journals and spent hours filling them. Being here is a wonderful feeling every time. And it’s times like these I pray a life like this lasts forever. According to the Champs Elysées, it will. Sustaining centuries and the pace of millions, she remains one of the great avenues. And just as the Arc de Triomphe has no plan to lose the staring contest against the Louvre, neither will I let myself lose this love for Paris."

-Jason Mraz

I couldn't have said it in any other way. I miss you, Paris. 

More than this, I miss my cousins in Paris. There's something about blood that makes it seem like you

just saw each other yesterday... when, in reality, it's been years since you've heard each other laugh. 

There's something about childhood that can re-piece parts of you that you forgot were there. 

And that realization is so astoundingly magical that you can't help but feel complete.

Like a vital part of you, a kidney, a song,  a heart... has been reinstalled into your body. Into your soul. 

all routine.

"When you love someone, there's a pattern to the way you come together. 

You might not even realize it, but your bodies are choreographed: 

a touch to the hip, 

a stroke of the hair, 

a staccato kiss, 

break away, 

a longer one, 

his hand slipping under your shirt. 

It's a r o u t i n e, but not in the boring sense of the word. 

It's just the way you've learned to fit, 

and it's why, when you've been with one guy for a long time, 

your teeth do not scrape together when you kiss; 

you do not bump noses or elbows."  

Our "Dawn."

Marvin and I were lying down going through craigslist. 

Dreaming of our dawn.

Imagining what a future together would look like

and what house we would live in for the first years together;

we decided on a loft. 

 

The Living Room.The Kitchen. The bedroom.

So what do you guys think? hah. 

We think it'll make a very happy home...just because we're together. HAHA.

This loft boasts: An unique set up with added privacy to the bedroom area and 15' ceilings. Upgrades include heated tiled entry way, new lighting, a large translucent enclosed shower, automatic bathroom lighting, built-in work station, built in speakers & a built-in fireplace! Other great features you'll have are exposed brick, wood-beams and concrete floors. LOCATION: Live in historic Gastown with some of Vancouver's greatest new restaurants and clothing stores and the Carrall Street Greenway linking you to the seawall. LIFESTYLE: Open-concept loft living at its best!

seriously?

I promised myself I wouldn't do this.

But here I am wasting time and basically STALLING

so that I won't have to do homework.

...I know I'm going to do it. 

I'm still a keener like that. 

Let's plan how I'm going to do my homework so that I'm not REALLY wasting time...:

1) Go through AP English poems/stories and dictionary.com all the words that I don't know. 

Then try to paraphrase/make some sense of each one. Notes notes notes notes. (I can't believe I finished English 12 early! Don't have to sit around for those boring grad transition classes :P love you guys. tee hee.)

2) History sheets!!!! Find all terms and whatnot. Try to make them as detailed as possible for the in-class multi-paragraph essay. 

3) Did I have Physics homework? 

Whatever.

4) Math. Gotta keep it up if I wanna get into UBC :S !!!!! Geometric Sequences are super easy though! Screw logs. I hate logs. 2log :) :) :)

Okay...here I go....

  ...maybe.

scary shit.

This has become sooo real. And so serious. And so...deep.

I'm so deep in it that I can't even recognize the time before I dived in. 

And there is no coming out. 

"We triumph again." 

one day

difficulties.

"She took a bite of the lamb. First feeling the tender meat reducing between her jaws, then the steel of the fork cold on her tongue, and finally...the taste of death. The taste of an innocent animal.

She gagged." 

I feel the death of us on my tongue.

I keep writing possible text msgs and instead of pressing "send to," I press "save as draft." Is that how bad it is?

just deal.

Have you ever lost your heart? But kept enough of your mind alive to at least function? It's the worst. Because you're in a weird uncomfortable sort of between-insanity.

It's like doing your math homework while crying. 

You're still able to do the math (and get the right answers) because a part of you feels it's the right thing to do since it's what you were doing before he phoned. And so you continue to figure out what t10 is if t7=1/2 and t2=4.

And after 15 arduous problems... you realize that your worksheets are blotted with tears. 

But you only realize after.

Frames tell. (not finished)

There was a time that I couldn't deal. 

I couldn't deal with seeing your face around the house...

little snapshots of how we used to be...

how you used to BE. 

So, I made reality real and took you out of every frame.

And I realized

the empty frame felt my pain. 

We shared the agony of not being able to embrace you.

We argued that it isn't fair.

We both wanted to be there...

where you are.

meant to be

M1G4E3H

what are the chances?

please say we're a bridge (part one)

Minutes that turned into hours

that turned into days and years of 

back-breaking labour 

proved to be worth it

because I...

I built this.

I built this in which you and I are now joined.

I built this in which we are connected in partial solidarity. 

This solidarity, however, has become so trivial because of how long

and how ardently I have been constructing this connection with you.

But I...

I have done it.

I can walk right through and over anything to get to you.

There is nothing that can stand in our way.

And you know it. 

You know that you are mine to walk to, mine to be with, mine to stand tall beside...

mine.

We are two properties, side by side...and linked.

More, if not most, importantly...LINKED. 

I feel that this connection is to be shared; to be flaunted, like a bridge. 

To be made known for all to see, to look up to, and to marvel at for its' flight, for its' strength, for its' stability.  

We were made to be seen. 

But I feel like you don't feel like I do. You give me the impression that we're a tunnel.

Twice as long as we are wide. Enclosed all around with the exception of two openings.

Hidden and reliable. Hidden and advantageous. Hidden and abused. Hidden...

Reliable when, times before, they were used for escape.

Advantageous when having to go somewhere that can't be gotten to in any other way. 

Abused... for all who pass through only to pass. 

But bridges.

Bridges are marveled at when one passes through because it gives height as if one were flying. 

Bridges don't sway but stay in the air. Stay steady and still; as if standing on solid ground.

And I think bridges are how you and I are. How WE are connected and will remain connected... that is, until one burns down...until the other is left with a hole in their side. But for now before any holes, I want to soar with you.

So please, 

please tell me we're a bridge.  

In Repair

"This is a song about being fucked up but coming out of it, y'know?

When you're a kid and you get 

a tennis ball to the nuts, it's one of the worse

feelings in the world but all men will tell you that 

there's no better feeling than when it stops hurting."

-John Mayer

Too many shadows in my room.

Too many hours in this midnight.

Too many corners in my mind.

So much to do to set my heart right.

a letter to the president (part2)

Dear Mr. President
I hope you got the letter I sent...

A Dollar only goes so far and we need help here, no matter who we are.
See, we come from different worlds and different places until there’s one great land, one nation under God.
Times are getting harder and we need you to be like Moses and lead your people through.
Please be careful...be careful of what you do...what you do.

-Ella

a letter to the president (part1)

This song is for my mama.
This song is for you.

Hey Mr. President,
Tomorrow I’m paying my rent, my fuel is runnin’ low, and I’ve got places to go.
Quit slowin’ me down.

Can we talk about the education of our children? A book is worth more than a bomb any day. 
And remember a mirror to Africa, who will bring the cure before it’s too late. 
Don’t you see the hurt in their eyes? So much disappointment in many faces. Use your heart and not your pride.
We can’t go on and keep pretending.

Please Mr. President...
Where’s all the money you spent? Food is fallin low and they have nowhere to go.
Quit slowin me down.

(I asked the father to have mercy on us. You think we'd know the rules by now. We can’t go starting wars with hearts of hatred. Our nations greed won’t make it better or quiet the fears in our hearts.)


-Ella (through the words of Monae)

It was a sunny night.

I want the sun to shine all the time.

Is that too much to ask?

BREATH-TAKING

Post-exams

I will be as lazy as lazy can get.

My body and mind has been so over-worked. It's all killing me now that I've simmered down. 

So I'm going to turn up some monae and sleep for 24 hours. 

(Saturday and Sunday will be non-stop days...

1. pics on saturday 

2. get together for my party kinda not really at jess'

3. st pauls pics

4. dinner 

5. @ school on sunday from 11-4ish!!! AND PLAY BEGINS!!!) 

This year...

I think I opened up a little too much happiness. 

"Smiling so hard, my mouth like a capital U."

idoleyes

GOLD.

my fuel.

I had a super lengthy but super worth it conversation with a friend today; a friend that I haven't talked to in forever and he said something that is SUPER true. 

He told me that he realized that I work better under pressure (this came about while we talked about exams) and he said that he hopes there are more exams so that I can  basically prove myself more each time. Which, to some degree, is true. Whenever there's an opportunity for me to prove myself, I take it. It was interesting though, to hear it from someone else...because lately I've been feeling like I haven't been doing enough. But he told me that I've been doing exactly what I should be doing.

And a lot of people have been telling me this. It's just that I haven't heard it in the way that he described it. 

After we hung up, I went on youtube and found this song that totally relates.

"Come on world

Throw another battle in my life
It hurts, but I've learned it makes me stronger
Come on world
Give me all you got and I'll pull through
Love is my fuel
And I won't be losing that any time soon."

The win of yesterday's wins.

When Anna's dad randomly started to sing...

"I gotta feeling that tonight's gonna be a gooood night..."

Yes, the BEP song. 

Yes, we broke into hysterics. 

Oh, dear.

I'm a dream away.

It's funny what you find when you're not looking...

Unexplainable.

"As love comes and goes, I feel like giving up. So i'm praying for a better day to come my way when I feel as though hope is gone.
Oh, I dwell on the "maybe's" and my mind's going crazy...from the past that  I can't erase. Still you say that you love me and say that that you want me.
This I can't explain."

Yesterday was SO "win."

Yesterday, as in Friday the 20th of November, was such a WIN. 

Despite some people showing off in my face early in the morning...

I woke up in such a good mood. First off, I actually got some sleep before this english exam because I've been prepping all week. 

I'm pretty sure I did well on the M/C. I know that I did well on my synthesis essay because I spent 45 minutes on it. I bombed my Hamlet paragraph :( 

buuut I killed my original composition. 

So I'm thinking I got a low A on that exam, but I'll take it because it's the LAST I'M EVER GONNA SEE OF GRADE 12 ENGLISH. And I can say "hello" to AP English. (: 

The prompt for the original composition was, "Recognizing Truth." 

And my character half recognizes it half doesn't. Depends on how you look at it.

My essay was based on a boy in grade two who keeps whispering to his yellow plastic ruler that it is "so wrong" constantly throughout the story. And he finds out that his ruler isn't exactly a foot long (30 cm.) And I threw in a shit load of symbols within symbols, paradox'd a few things, and even threw in some alliteration whenever Ms. Laliberte would speak. The audience finds out that the ruler metaphor parallels how the dad lies to 'Bradley' about his mom leaving them. Bradley believes that his mom is with another man...but she actually died.  And Bradley believes this because his dad always says, "Mummies with Him now." And you find out that because Bradley is in a Catholic school that everyone just refers to God as Him and expect Bradley to know what they're talking about. So there you go.

Anyways, after the exam I went to White Spot avec Marie, Anna, and Shenette. We bumped into some '08 grads: Ivee and Linnea. And we walked around the mall for a bit. Then Shenette and Marie had to leave to catch their bus but Anna and I were getting picked up by her parents. Anna's mom bought an Iphone aka "The Big One." I drank calming tea from Aveda with Anna's dad who LOVED it and got a second sample and even told the Brazilian on the bench that it was real good. Then anna and I went to shoppers where we found out that twilight has its own MAKE UP LINE. I know. So gross. Then we went to Claire's to buy leg warmers and lace leggings. Yay. 

Then I saw my marvster and we watched the hockey game and fell asleep watching it. 

And this is why yesterday was so "win."

This road is taking me to where I'm meant to be.

So let me digress a little from exams and all.

I just want to share with you guys a little bit of happiness. 

Scratch that. 

A little bit of a lot of happiness. 

I know what I'm doing!! 

It sounds crazy and all but I actually know what I'm doing with my life.

And that is HUGE! Because about 2 weeks ago I didn't even know if I was going into arts or sciences. 

I'm going to neither...just to let you know. 

I've applied for Sauder UBC school of commerce!!!! :) 

(And I chose sciences as my back-up.)

I just need to maintain my Math percentage and I'm IN! 

Suuuuh-weet right?! 

Anyways, what else is there to update you guys on? 

School is great. Work isn't happening right now cuz of exams (I booked off 2 weeks!) And play is finally in motion! THANK GOD. I am spending the day before my exams at school for the auditions!!! Haha, better appreciate my presence there all you actors. Just kidding. But seriously. I would even spend my birthDAY at school for play. I'm IMMENSELY/MEGA/SUPERDUPERPUMPED for this!!!! You have no idea. 

I'll stop rambling now. 

Bye guys.

Hope exams aren't stressing you out.

All I have to say is...buy some calming tea from Aveda. It really works. 

HAHA, ANNA. 

So turn off your tears and listen.

Pain can throw your heart to the ground.

But love can turn the whole thing around.

And then it can , almost casually, shove you and that beating thing right back into the cold concrete. 

Doesn't the whole cycle seem kinda pointless?

This is it.

          What does this say to you?

Cuz it's exactly how I'm feelin'.  

Baby you the best.

I think I have the best boyfriend ever. 

Cuz I've got that type of boyfriend that'll pick you up after work downtown at 1030pm to skytrain you to Richmond Centre and then bus himself home. 

I've got that type of boyfriend that buys us a Christmas tree which already has presents underneath it :) 

I've got that type of boyfriend that'll put me before himself no matter what, when, or where.

I've got that type of boyfriend that understands. 

I've got that type of boyfriend that gets happy because you're happy and doesn't just smile cuz it's contagious but because he's genuinely happy to see me smiling. 

How could I not love him?!

Grey Skies.

"...I used to think love was black or white. Wrong or Right."

But now I feel those grey skies.

never like the rest

Some people have an amusement-park type love; 

filled with ups and downs.

But you and I are steady cruisin'....

post-work surprises and line conversations

I wasn't exactly having the best of days today and anyone at school (who saw me) would understand why. I somewhat explained it to Marvin through a text message; only giving key-words like 'fight', and 'car,' and 'school.' 

And all throughout school I wasn't exactly feeling my best.

But then work rolled around and I felt a bit better. (Getting over $300 above my goal and getting 12% purses... Aldo people understand...) I felt like I had accomplished something and it was my pick-me-up in a way. And I seriously needed that. 

Then (walking to the canada line with jason) I got a phone call from Marvin asking if i was bussing or getting picked up. I told him bussing. And then he told me that he was waiting for me downtown. 

I know.

He's the most perfect boyfriend ever. I know. 

Trying to get my mood up, he canada line'd with me home! Then we talked for a bit on the c.line and this is what REALLY made my night: 

Marvin: "Do I have any imperfections?" 

Me: "No."

Marvin:"No, seriously. I want to be a better person. And I can only be a better person if I know what's wrong so I can fix it."

Me:"Nothing's wrong with you. You're the most perfectest boyfriend in the world. The most perfect for me." 

Marvin:"Do you want to know what's wrong with you?"

Me:"What?"

Marvin:"You're a liar."

Me: (all shocked and kind-of-angry)"How am I A LIAR?!?!?" 

Marvin: " Because you said I'm perfect." '

Yes, these are the kind of conversations we have...almost all the time. 

Reading Dear John. Again.

""Our relationship, I felt with a heaviness in my chest, was beginning to feel like the spinning movement of a child's top.  When we were together, we had the power to keep it spinning, and the result was beauty and magic and an almost childlike sense of wonder; when we seperated, the spinning began inevitably to slow.  We became wobbly and unstable, and I knew I had to find a way to keep us from toppling o v e r."

Shit, nanowrimo already begun.

I totally forgot it's  november! Which means nanowrimo already begun! FUCK. 

(Excuse my language.) I usually get all prepped for nanwrimo every year! I guess it's because I

1) got a job this year 2) am in grade 12...wow. 3) am drowning in scholarship applications (they do take as much time as they say...) 

Anyways, I will start. I know exactly what I'm going to write. And by that...I mean, I know more of my plot than I usually do (since I started 4 years ago.) Gail Carson Levine (author of Ella Enchanted....a book that truly did inspire me. And no, not just because of the name although that's what drove me to pick it up in the first place) e-mail'd us what she's going to do for this writers-fest of a month and I guess it'll sort of relate to me except for the fact that I actually have to go out for school. 

But she's genius. And she has inspired me once again to get going and start this novel already. Like a cheetah ;) 

"I dug a shallow grave in the backyard and buried my print thesaurus (starting tomorrow, the first word I think of is good enough, even if I use it seven times on every page), dictionary (who cares how ophthalmologist is spelled anyway?), usage books (I can figure out the difference between lie and lay later), encyclopedia, atlas, and my beloved books about writing. I taped blackout curtains over my windows. My techy friend spent hours tinkering with my computer. She's assured me that it will combust if I try to reestablish connections to the internet and email. The single thing I'm keeping is my cell phone in case I start to go into cardiac arrest, but the keys are smeared with battery acid, except the 9, the 1, and send. My family and friends and Meals-on-Wheels have sworn to deliver food to my door, which will be kept closed to protect the world from my intensifying body odor. "

The search has ended.

Still no sign of HMV boy, people. 

I worked on it and worked on it.

Searched high and low on main st and in oakridge mall.

I guess it's not meant to be? 

Or maybe it's BECAUSE I was looking?

Should I just let fate deal with this? 

It was her doing in the first place....

...I seriously hope you didn't quit your job. Otherwise I'd have to dub you "41st boy" instead.

Refer to: www.sheerpulchritude.blogspot.com/2009/09/missing-hmv-boy.html

Vent.

It's funny when you hear things that totally throw you off-guard. Timmyho talks ftw.

Thanks girls. Idk how bad that whole conversation was...but I trust you guys hahaha.

We did get a bit carried away. But whatever.

We deserved to have that talk.

Glad to know I'm not alone.

Did you know...

You are so laid.

get it?

Clarity and my muse

I think that's all I need. NOT just in my lit essays (but if God could pull some sort of miracle and make that happen...I'd be overjoyed!) 

But I need clarity in life. 

Especially when it comes to you.

I think I know what to do. 

It's like cleaning out the closet. 

Gotta get rid of the things that don't fit anymore. 

The question is....do I sell you? Or do I just give you away? 

Maybe if you're cleared... my essays will finally be worth a 6!

Unexpected idols...

Corruptive.

Invasive.

Uncontrolled.

Malignant.

Destructive.

Mysterious.

Acquired or Inherited.

Recurrent. (In some cases.)

Hindering.

Abnormal.

...check out the conintuation on heavierpicture.blogspot.com

It was you I was thinking of.

When I heard the rain pattering against my window...

When I heard the bickering of the crows...

When I heard the gravel crunching underneath my feet...

When I heard the empty seat...

When I heard the abandoned room...

When I heard the hollow womb...

When I had heard the forgotten tears...

...when I understood the worthless prayers.

For all those who read too much into what I write---no, I am NOT pregnant. 

It's simply a poem showing my stand on abortion. (Against.) 

It depicts how nothing good can come from it. From that, take it how you want.

dead feet.

Standing seven hours straight (sometimes even RUNNING) in 2 inch heels is not good for my feet. They are SO sore that I can NOT walk without groaning. 

On the other hand (not foot...haha, I made a funny)--I WENT SHOPPING TODAY :)

Bought a shitload of work clothes so I don't really have to THINK about what I want to wear. 

I can just grab and go. I bought two dresses :) One of which is my grad photos dress. 

And the other one just looked pretty.

I FINALLY FOUND A PENCIL SKIRT THAT HUGS MY BODY. THANK THE LORD.

and I found dress pants too :) :) :) Now I don't ALWAYS have to wear a skirt/dress to work. 

However, the most glorious news of all....is that I bought my steve madden heels for not $230 or the first markdown of $110 but for a second markdown of $90! HOLLA AT 'CHO GIRL. YEAH. 

I am LOVING life right now.

All I need are two bags from work. haha, highlight on the 'need.' 

A list of what I splurged on today:

-3 sequin shirts

-1 lace shirt

-2 bras (finally!! haha jess and anna)

-2 dresses

-steve madden heels

-Charlotte Russe flats

-2 Friends DVD's (Seasons 1 and 2) 

-Work pants

-Pencil Skirt

-2 Rings

-and a pair of earrings (even though I think my piercings are filling in!!! I think it's b/c I've been wearing JUST my cartilage for a few weeks now...)

:) :) :) So I am a very happy/satisfied woman as of right now! 

I think it even makes up for the panging pain in my feet. 

Time to sleep.

Life is a breeeeeeze.

When you're upset about something, my family would NEVER ask you what's wrong. Heaven forbid. It seems that the family motto is, "One can find happiness without the help of others." 

They might ask each other, "What's wrong with her?" But they would never go to the extent of asking YOU what is wrong. They think that you will figure it out eventually. 

So I have to say that no, I have never had anyone in this family show any remote interest in how "badly" I was feeling today. Instead, the expected answer to the daily question, "How was school?", is always "Good." 

Just 'good.' 

And stress is a "poison" that one brings about to oneself. Never a "poison" you get from biting a poison apple. (But then again, why would one be eating strange apples, right?)

In the end, MY life is SUPPOSED to be breezy because I have NEVER suffered in the same way that my parents have when they lived in poverty. I have NEVER encountered days where I don't feel like getting up in the morning, or days where I can't seem to function. Because why should I? 

I have food. I get a ride to school. I own a laptop. I have luxury. So what's there to complain about? 

Hm.

To this grooooove.

If it's cool, we can do a little sumthin'.

Let me groove with you so we can kick a little sumthin' sumthin'.

Even if he pays me no attention.

All I wanna do is show my affection.

Lose myself inside his ebony. Honeydewsuga'chocolate dumplin', yeah. 

Brotha with a little sumthin' sumthin'.

Flava with a cocoa kinda flow.

Baby, act like you know.

So if it's coool, I wanna rock with 'chu.

Only if it's cool.

She just needed you to believe.

"She needed someone to show her who she could be.

And she tried to survive wearing her heart on her sleeve." 

dear john trailer, finally.

After maybe over half a year of waiting, they finally released the Dear John trailer. 

http://ow.ly/uB7i

I AM SO EXCITED, IT IS UNREAL.

"You don't scare me, John."

Not gon' leave tonight. Not gon' leave at all. It's for longer than forever.

You kept telling me not to worry. "Believe I'm telling the truth, so don't doubt it."

But if you are lying to me. I'm leaving tonight. 

Everyone said you ain't no good, then you proved them right. I'm leaving tonight. It's over and done. Ain't no sense in trying to wait till the morning comes. 

I'm not leaving tonight. Girl, you're my life. All of your friends think I'm no good. Please don't prove them right. I'm not leaving tonight. It's over and done. Let's leave this alone and let's make love till the morning come.

You're my man. 

Don't let them interfere with us being happy.

I love you, that's a fact.

But I'll be damned if imma let you up and disrespect whose been there from the start. 

You claim, you claim not to know her. 

 but she's on your phone...she even got a ringtone, you care to explain that part?

swim.

"Stability is returning to key relationships." 

a lol'ers type story.

So, Marvin and I went to the bank (TD beside pacific centre, I believe) because I had to withdraw money to buy my pea coat from the Gap (Marvin can't use my debit card in order to get his employee discount because it's not under his name.) And after I finished withdrawing the money at the machine, I decided to get some Aldo papers filled out for my direct depositing account. 

I said to myself, "Well, you might as well...we're already here." So then Marvin and I lined up to get a teller to fill out some forms. I took the booklet out a folder of mine and handed it to marvin to hold because I had too much stuff to hold (as always.) Waiting in the line-up, Marvin and I got to talking and I forgot the folder was in my hand. Then, I kind of let my arm drop, folder in hand...and it being so full, the folder burst open and my papers spilled out. As soon as they did though, I turned around and bent over to pick them up. (I was blocking Marvin's way at this point, so he couldn't help me.) But AS SOON AS the papers dropped, some other spanish looking guy helped me gather my papers and handed them to me. He was, mind you, on the complete other side of the line-up, not even beside us. And it was kinda funny because Marvin couldn't do anything and of course, my baby Marvin got a little jealous/frustrated. 

Was tres tres funny.

$$$ Dolla dolla bill, y'all.

So I spent a small fortune today on a pea coat (apparently the red-version of Belle's) and a black cardigan from the Gap avec 50% discount from my booooyfriend. I think it was about $120ish? And I'm looking to spend $50 on this skirt from plen+y. Is that bad? It's propaganda! But then I have to buy my grad pics dress from BCBG which will be about 170? Not bad. But I still have to get it tailored because it is WAAAAY too long. So $40 on top of that? Eh. Sigh. 

Someone's going to be working a heeeeell of a lot. Woohoooo!

war and water

I accidently wrote, "France, Germany, and Belgium agreed to not make water."

instead of "France, Germany, and Belgium agreed to not make war." 

I think someone's thirsty.

I guess I'll go downstairs and get some water. Not war.

Hilariousness. (:

sauna days up in heee-uhhh/places (empty and filled)

It's so warm in my room. It's lovely :) 

I love how much heat the chandelier gives off. I know, I know...it's a bad waste of energy. Whatever. I'm warm. And I'm technically saving because I don't need a heater now! 

SO there. Eat that environmentalists. 

Anywayyyyys, I'm supposed to be studying for this History Quiz that I have tomorrow. 

But, as you can probably tell, I don't feel like it. I hate that. I hate not feeling up to it because

I normally do. But when I don't. I really don't. 

What else is there to say? 

Life is too perfect. I honestly don't know how else to describe my life.

I'm at this place where everything is on the right shelf. Where it should be. 

I'm at a place where there are even empty SPACES on the shelves of my life for the dreams, the possibilities that COULD be. 

And empty spaces for the achievements that WILL be. 

Yuuuup, I'm where I have always wanted to be. 

Where things aren't quite there yet. But I know they will be. 

And I FINALLY know that what I'm doing is right.

Which is weird...because I STILL haven't decided if I want to go into arts or sciences...and you'd think I would be freaking out (majorly) about this...

and trust me, I am. But if I feel like what I'm doing right now, is right; why question what I'm doing? It's more a question of "what am I going to do with what I'm doing?" I trust that the answer to that will spring up one day. Is that naive of me?

A Work In Progress.

New poem...still working on it; but this is the gist of it: 

Because without the sky, the grass would have no one to embrace. 

Because without the sea, the sand would have no one to kiss. 

Because without the seasons, there would be no room for change. 

Because without the birds, the imagination would sleep forever. 

Because without the soil of the land, diamonds would be oh so conventional. 

Because without the irregularities of the world...a rectangle would not be a rectangle. 

Days of the Liberation; Days of the Soul Salvation.

Working my days and drinking my nights away. 

I got a million dollar view looking over my neighbor's pain.

But that don't phase me, no. 

It's a sad, sad illusion of happy

as we're paying our way to misery,

It's a sad, sad illusion of happy

and we're fools for calling it living free. 

These are the days of the liberation.

These are the days of the soul salvation.

The "Ideal"

"There's reading for comprehension, 

Some read for information, 

We, we read for meaning." 

I hate this. No, I LOATHE it.

I struggle with myself when this happens.

No matter what you do,

No matter how we fight, 

No matter what, where, when, why; I always run back to you. Always.

I can NEVER be mad at you.

And you know what, sometimes I just want to get mad and scream and just punch you in the gut. But I can NEVER bring myself to do it. I think it might have something to do with love...MIGHT. Hah! 

Seriously though, sometimes I get so frustrated...but I can never let it out on you.

Almost every time we argue...I want to hang up just to show you that you shouldn't be messing with me. But I can't. I always stay. And I always end up saying bye before hanging up. 

That's the way I teach you a lesson. Isn't that pathetic? 

I can't hang up. I cry and say bye...

...wow. EEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFF.

UGLY

Call me irrational, 

Call me foolish, moronic even, 

Call me bad-tempered, 

Call me ridiculous, 

Call me complacent, 

but I mean what I say,

and I mean it when I say it,

so take it to heart when (as acrimonious as it sounds) I tell you to screw the f*ck off :) :) :)

"Did you expect to kiss me one time and never look at me again?"

This isn't what we are. You know there's something more.

You want to dance out all this beating heart bore. 

You feel it shaking your soul. 

The last piece of the mosaic; keeping you whole. 

You know that we're polar opposites; 

and any unification of us would be complete chaos.

But I think it's time that we bypass the bullshit

because it's true, the hour hand moves faster than it should. 

And you're wasting my time with this

unnecessary performance. 

Love and Trust as defined by Neyo.

" I believe that loving and trusting someone are the same. I don't think you can truly love somebody unless you trust them. That blind trust, that beyond a shadow of a doubt, no matter what this person sayin' and that person...you believe your [wo]man. Now you say you love me but everytime one of your little friends come at you with something; we gotta do this. I'm trying, I'm trying to show you that I'm for real. Tell me what I've gotta do to show you that I'm for you." 

COLLOQUIAL

"We know each other like the colloquial; informal and familiar. 

You use me like the colloquial; frequently and oh so slanderously."

It's just how we work. Get used to it. 

I am .

This is how it works a lot of the time.

"He wasn't bad..., 

he just didn't fit the role that was given to him in life.
He wasn't s u p p o s e d to be good." 

Disbelief.

Whenever I have some free time to myself...

I analyze my high school years.

I think about what I did right, what I did wrong...

and how all of my actions drove me to certain consequences.

And I wonder, in immense disbelief, how I survived the years...

and I am still amazed that I am ending high school.

I STILL can't believe I'm in grade 12. 

(I know I should get over with it, and move on...but wow...)

And this is why gabe bondoc should get signed already.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y_M8xt7p5H0

This.

I can't explain this.

And I can't explain why I struggled to type those very words...

I tried to fashion them so they would sound appealing...

so that they might offer a fancy image for you to toy with in your head...

"This" refers to our relationship. 

It's not that I'm doubting you. Or us. Or me. 

And it's definitely not because I don't know what we are, or where we are in all of this.

But it's more due to the fact that I can't BELIEVE this is happening.

I can't seem to swallow how PERFECT this is. 

I mean, how could you expect me to? 

You know how I'm feeling without me having to say it. 

You know where my thoughts are wandering off to before I even think them.

You want to...no, NEED to, see me just as much as I need to see you. 

You love me. 

You've been loving me. 

You vow to love me forever.

So can you blame me that this (being beyond my hopes and dreams) is proving difficult to swallow?