It's my birthday.

Yeah...hmmm...
any thoughts?
no.
any epiphanies yet?
none.
what do i feel like?
nothing.


wow...16's a bore.

HAHA. sigh.


OH, i'm excited for my L?
does that count for anything?
Well....
I'm sixteen.
So...I think I'll go party.
woot. (rolls eyes)

It's what goes hand in hand...

As we grow,
we explore.
As we explore,
we discover.
As we discover,
we become intrigued.
As we become intrigued,
we become determined.
As we become determined,
we become undermined.
As we become undermined,
we learn.
As we learn,
WE LIVE.


From yours truly. LiveLoveLEARN; it's what goes hand in hand.

B.F.S.=Bitterness Failure Syndrome.

It's how I can' t be mad...
and it's how I try so hard...
and it's how I always fail.

THAT'S when I get frustrated...
and the cycle starts over again.

1) You do something I can't STAND. And my heart hardens...
2) ..because I'm out of emotional homeostasis: I get really upset...for maybe half the time it took you to do that "something".
3) Then you melt my heart back to emotional homeostasis (oh, bio...how i have fallen back in love with you)...like hold my hand or send me a "pigeon" note.
4) I CAN'T be mad at you because I want to take your hand...and I want to reply.
THEN I GO BACK TO ONE.

MY DEAR JEEBUZ, it's freaking positive feedback. (hehe, bio.)

What swims through this cranium...

YES,
as a matter of fact,
ladies and gentlemen,

MY THOUGHTS ARE LOVELY...



...because they all revolve around him.

It's what it is.
It's what you see.

Actually, it's more than that...it's what you feel.
Feel it? I do. He does. It's inevitable.

So, you second guessed me...now what?

So, I'll go with my girls...
And I hope you know that in the end
I'll give you the world.
...I'll always be there to hold YOUR hand.
_____________________________________________________

Please tell me...
because I've been wondering...
how is this supposed to be?
Am I doing this right?


Maybe I should stop treating this like it comes with a manual.
Set me free.
I love you.

Let's put this to rest...

...I want what's best for you.
(it's funny because that's what YOU normally say.)

I suggest ...coming clean.

You're a coward.
You hide behind all of these delicate lies that you sing...
are you trying to come clean?

You're so lonely.
Surrounded by people who know you but don't know a thing.
So maybe you should try to come clean.

And every relationship you've ever been in
has fallen apart at the seams
aren't you afraid that you're just singing about love
but you'll never find out what it means?

If you were honest about what the problem is...
I'm sure you'd admit it was you.

Don't tell me you're trying to live up to all that I want you to be.

You're a liar.
You sing pretty things but you never quite say what you mean.
So try to come clean.

Are you sorry?
You should know that you can't take it back...
that you can't change a thing.
Come clean.

And every relationship I've ever been in has fallen apart at the seams
And I'm just afraid that I'm singing about love, but I'll never find out what it means.
And if I had to be honest about what the problem is...I'd have to admit it's me.
I'm just trying to live up to all that you want me to be.

SIGH SIGH SIGH.

What
is
it
you
want?
Where do you want to be?
WHAT do you want to be?


Think about it for a minute.

Now think about this...
that minute of thinking could've had a huge impact on THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Man...so stressed.

so many tests.
all in one week...
...i just might shoot myself.
Oh, waterloo...what I do to be with you.

Out of my MIND and going insane.

I've never been in a situation so deep...
Confused out of my mind--this isn't right.
Wait, please, don't leave.
Just let me explain.
How much I need you both in my life.
So many thoughts have got us twisted...
And I need to get them out of our minds.
I swear...this isn't happening to me.
Because I swear that this isn't reality.

Do we need one more chance?
To prove...to prove...
that you love me?

So look me in my face,
AND JUST TELL ME WHAT IT'S GOING TO BE.


Just understand...
I don't mind one chance.

You're quite the circus...

You've taken this fools' dance a bit too far.
And I must say, you've raised the bar
for other dimwit men to reach.
This insane childishness really must cease.

Your face does resemble a clown,
However, your jokes and tricks make even 3 year olds frown.

It's enough with the games and travesties.
I clearly guessed you incorrectly.

I assumed you'd be a fun act,
However, you proved to be a sad regret.


Your somersaults have made everyone annoyed,
And frankly, I now label this friendship "destroyed."

Tell me you love me...once more...

The hints of goodbye are crushing me,
I cried in the shower so you wouldn't see.
Have you noticed that every word you say...
is like a bullet to my brain?
Have you noticed that with every tear you cry...
my heart stops beating and even fails to try.
It might seem like I can run this parade,
But daddy dear, this smile is just a charade.

To Keep In Mind:

"I work to LIVE...I don't LIVE to work."

Let's STOP in time.

Come here, my love...
and let's sleep until we run out of dreams.

DRAINED

IF love is what keeps the world spinning...
then love me.
LOVE ME until I puke from
being so dizzy;
just don't love me ONLY to keep me busy.
IF love is what keeps the world spinning,
never let me off this ride.
Never keep me waiting on the side.
IF love is what keeps the world spinning...
why do we need anything else?
Why do treat love like an object? How is it OURS to sell?!
IF love is what keeps the world spinning...
vanquish all excess.
Give love ONLY your best.
IF love is what keeps the world spinning...
give and receive.
HAVE FAITH AND BELIEVE.
IF love is what keeps the world spinning...
I'll let you in with open arms.
I'll keep your heart warm...
IF love is what keeps the world spinning...


but it's not. Clearly.
And with this clarity
...I realized that love ISN'T what keeps the world spinning.
Love is the movement within us.

WE are the HATERS.
WE are the DO-ERS.
THE SUICDALS, THE DRUGGIES, THE STAND-BY-ERS.
Excuse my BEP...but WHERE IS THE LOVE in all of this?!
WE ARE LOVE.
WE KEEP THE WORLD SPINNING.
WE KEEP US SANE.
Don't go against what we were made to do.
WE ARE THE LOVERS.
Please...be lovers. And don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

...in so deep.

It's clearly my curse.
To be so unrealistic...
To think everything can fall in place so easily.
I'm not grasping the effect.
You see the truth in this virgin,
You know the hardships of this soil,
You see the world consumed in sin,
And how this love COULD spoil.

Yet, here I am...hearing (but not listening) what you
t h i n k is our fate,
I listen to my heart...telling me this could work...
Despite the distance...our love COULD operate.

"...me and you BELONG. Racing the earth..."

Where do I go from here? This is how I find out...

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down probably will. You'll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, & love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, and no second chances. Tell someone what they mean to you & tell someone off. Speak out, dance in the pouring rain. Hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, stay up late, be a flirt, & smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love & most of all, live in the moment because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back. Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes things fall apart just so other things can fall together. But in the end what’s meant to be will always find its way.

It's How We Were

When you're ready to go back...
back to how it used to be--
then all you have to do is ask.
And I'll take you right back.
You used to smile at me for no reason at all...
had no explanation for the way you were acting.
Now all I get is a smile turned upside down...
it's turned into a frown.
I can't figure it out exactly.
When you're ready to go back...


(P.S. I know I've written this before...just felt like re-posting! It's a good song guys, so gooo and get it :] )

MEMO: PARTY IT UP...for the next 4 weeks. "It's just how we do it, B A B Y G I R L S."
(Stupid volleyball girls gone for my bday...hate you guys...not really...but you know.)

'Hooked On You'-Jazmine Sullivan (My Heart's Mind.)

I guarantee that if you were in my seat...
you'd p i n c h yourself to make sure it's real.

And Good NIght to you too.

"Stars shining bright above you,
Light breezes seem to whisper "I love you"
Dream a little dream of me...
Say "Nighty night" and kiss me.
Just hold me tight and tell me you miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be...
dream a little dream of me.

Stars fading...but I linger on dear
...still craving your kiss.

Sweet dreams until sun beams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams...whatever they be...
you've gotta make me a promise...
promise to me...dream a little dream of me."

"Floating petals on the sea" Float your way to him.

My desicion must be made next fall.
This dilemma will be my constant worry.
Yes, I have realized I can't have it all.
My dear, our hearts will rest on seperate seas.

Will I live with a broken heart?
Or a life with my broken dreams?
My destiny with no future...
Can't love always be sewn at the seams?
Love, remember that my heart will always be yours,
No matter where your heart may be.


In the words of Collin Balba (you bum): "...why cut the cord? You don't even know if this patient can overcome his disability...he [could] wake up any time soon."

BIG SIGH x9999999squared.

Ew. Math Term in my name HAHA. (I just had a math test today....so intense in our class room...swear to God.)

SO, I went to VC today to look at the uni. fair. AND. MY. GOD.
I'm pretty confused...but I think talking to Mrs.R about this (and basically thinking out loud) will help me figure things out.
My schools in the order of interest:
1) WATERLOO (I swear this is my vocation.) And I, for some reason, really don't care how far it is away from everyone...I'll miss you guys...but it's WATERLOO.
2) McGill...it's temptation...I mean...so famous. Haha, I'll feel so well-known.
3) UBC...I could be boring and just stick around here...but who wants to do that?! Just kidding. I'd like to stay here..because a) it's home b) most of my support network is here...aka nurses/doctors/people in health sciences c) I'd miss my mom...and her cooking. Sigh.
4) and my last option...which still remains uncertain...is Laurier.

Yeah...you can tell, I want to be away from home. I want to AT LEAST do my bachelor's in the East and then maybe come here for my Master's...or go somewhere else. (I just don't want to be somewhere where I think the same as everyone---by going elsewhere I'll be able to bring some "flavour" of thought.) I'll be able to go to the East and bring a different way of thinking from BC...making me stand-out (a little more) than the average Eastern resident. THEN I'll be able to either come back home...or go somewhere else for my Master's and bring a totally different game there. See?
I've got this....I think.
Just gotta hold on a bit more...and follow that 'gut' feeling.
And follow my heart.
I think I've fallen in "love" with Waterloo.
Bye bye, nest...I'll take my wings elsewhere.

"I know that what we have is worth first place and gold and I'm soaked in your love...and love is right in my path, in my grasp...and me and you BELONG."

Why I haven't blogged anything today:

WELL DURRR, I set up the Christmas tree :) +other decors around the house.
With the help of my one and only, Marvin. Thanks.
So today...was amazing....I did so much!
1) Woke up at 7 (That's when you KNOW it's going to be a productive day.)
2) Went to The Grind (Coffee and Lounge/Art Gallery)...I think I want to buy one of the paintings.
3) Went to Langara to pick up Marvin.
4) Marvin's house and watched Home Videos of him in Kinder....so cute.
5) Went to Burgoo, a new restaraunt on Main. It WAS SO GOOD. TWO WORDS: Brie Fondue!
And I had this thing called..."Irish Stew" and it was heavenly. It was..well, stew--mounted
on garlic mashed potatos; it had lima beans (which I've never had until that moment), peas,
beef, carrots, and potatos...and it was SO GOOD.
6) FINALLY went to the new "Front" Store on Main. And I bought a Sesame Street (Ernie) Yellow Sweater...my goodness, yes...I did fall in love with it. We were meant to be...PERFECT FIT...AND it JUST came in that day. (For those who don't know...Front is a high end (whatever that means) Consignment Store.) And Marvin found a nice purple sweater (originally from H&M) buuuut he's a patient boy and said he'd get it next time. Sigh. I HAD to get mine...so yeah. I now own an Ernie, Yellow...Sesame Street sweater. Can anyone say..."HURRY UP NEXT DRESS DOWN DAY!" ?
7) Went to school for the uniform sale...and seriously...let's think about this. Filipinos (Teens AND parents) + Massive Sale + And not just ANY massive sale...Massive sale for UNIFORMS. I mean...that can only = CHAOS. I swear...everyone just let out their inner animal. Anyways, I ended up buying a sweater for me and one for Katrina because she said she'd pay me back if I found one before she got there. Then I hung out with Ali, Shannon, and Marvin.
We were looking for Jade.
We came up for 2 main theories as to where she could've gone: a) She could've died...(I mean, it was hella crowded in the gym foyer.) or b) She could've been eaten by some filipino mom who wanted the grey pair of sweats Jade was holding. (Funny how "Maybe she could've gone home" didn't even cross our minds.)
So I finally decided to phone her...only to find out she was in the caf. serving cookies...OF COURSE. Then, we went and got cookies...and decided that we should hang out in the Science Wing. So off we went (Shannon, Ali, Marvin, and I) to the stairs leading up to the Science Wing...and we just talked. Then my sister came along and we (Marvin and I) bussed with her home.
8) THEN Marvin and I decided to put up the CHRISTMAS TREE!!!!! I know! I'm excited too! DUH. haha. But it was fun...Michael Buble's "Let It Snow" CD was playing the whole time (Thanks Jess, btw...that was your last year's Christmas present for me!) And then when we were done...after maybe 3 hours...we both got a cup of milk and sat in front of the Christmas tree on my leather sofa. We fell asleep for about an hour...then he went home.
9) So, here I am now...and my dad asked for my Interm Report...I'm so done.
10) Bye guys...forever.

When you're ready...

"...never want to live this way...want you to be by my side. You used to smile at me for no reason at all...had no explanation for the way you were acting...and now all I get is a smile turned upside down..it's turned into a frown. I can't figure it out exactly."
(Oh, PJ Morton...you're still my numero2 love. Sigh.)
-'How We Were', Pj Morton.
Quoting because Wayde the B*tch is being an ass.
(Wayde the B*tch is the name for my writer's block. This is how
delirious he his making me.)

P.S. Wayde is a boy for a reason.

I just might die. (Not really; but a little drama never KILLED anyone.)

Dear Writer's Block,

WILL YOU PLEASE DISINTEGRATE?
I'M BEGGING YOU.

With hate,
A hopelessly frustrated Ella.
"I can't catch my breath...because you take it away.
The best writer in town...wouldn't be able to find the right words to say..."
-Call You Tonight, Johnta Austin

In the wise words of MP..you smartass.

"Missing someone gets easier everyday,
even though it's one day
further from the last day you saw them...
it's one day closer to the
next time you will."


You're a smart cookie. And I love cookies...especially smart ones :)

Thanks, love.

For sleeping with me...
Lying down in bed--with your cheek against mine.
Hmm...looking through Real Estate magazines...
as if we were going to buy our dream pent-house.
Warming up your hands with mine...
because you got so cold waiting for the bus.
(I looked so scrubbed out this morning.)
My hair was a mess.
I had my glasses on.
I hadn't brushed my teeth.
I only had a shirt on.
Hmm....
I love how you didn't care.
Thanks for holding me.
For the kisses.
For the love.
I LOVE YOU

I've said my part...

I said my half.
Now say yours.
Spill your words.
I'd like to know.
Your confessions.
Your wishes.
Your hopes.
Your faults.
Your short-comings.
It's only fair...
or do I have to wait another year?

6/7 it was you.

NO LONGER.
NO MORE.
DONE.
i'm sorry.

OHMYGOODNESS...

...WHERE ARE YOU?! I'M WORRIED...
PLEASE FIND YOUR WAY HOME OKAY
...it's already 8:40!

Hooked on YOU-JS, you've done it once again.

JS...you're freaking genius.

I often find myself caught up in a rapture,
I never thought I'd feel this way...you've got me captured.
I mean, you've got me singing love songs about you.
Not those petty songs, but Marvin Gaye tunes...
What is this that you have on me?
So foreign that I dont' want to be free.
Hold on and never let go.
I'm giving you everything I have just to show that I'm hooked on you.
I wish you knew what you do.
I can't believe how lucky I am to have someone that I'm so into.
Because I love everything about you, specially when you do what you do.
If you only knew how it feels being me.
I guarantee that if you were in my seat,
You'd pinch yourself to see if it was real...
then you would know I can't help how I feel.

Mama said she'd buy me a mockingbird.

Summer arrived on the back of a mockingbird
it sang a sweet melody...
BUT COULDN'T SEEM TO FIND THE RIGHT WORDS.
I don't know if you've heard...
but it's all over town, yeah, they're buzzing about it now.

I was singing alone
when the Mockingbird came to me,
perched on my window sill and hummed along quietly.
But before long she was singing along and she said..yeah, she said,
"I've been waiting so long for these words to come out,
It's practically all I've been thinking about. So thank you for finding the words
I couldn't find on my own. Now I'm not alone."

Autumn was on it's way; summer was on it's way out.
The mockingbird told me,
"I change with the seasons."
and so she was leaving town in a few days now.

We said our goodbye's but I secretly wished for more time.
The seasons are merciless.
Then for a while we both stood in silence.
Until she said, "I've been waiting for so long for these words to come out,
It's practically all I've been thinking about. So thank you for finding the words I couldn't find on my own.
NOW I'M NOT ALONE."

-Dear Juliet, Mockingbird.

YOU...

...I LOVE YOU.
That's all.
After that...there's nothing more to say.

STORY TIME, kids.

The castle walls that we once stood upon
that brought us cheek to cheek with the other side (to the stars)
have fallen beneath us.
I sit amongst the rubble for a moment filled with confusion
and decide to get up
to explore the world I've fallen into.
It takes a long while to fix;
to mix and make a fresh batch of cement
-- to build us up once again.

As I stand alone...there you go--
without my hand...
building yourself a pedastel to rise from me
- beneath you.
What is it you wish to withstand?

The commoners laugh at you as you strike a pose.
You might looks fierce but, my dear king,
it will take more than bricks of selfishness & pillars of pride to build your kingdom.
Those walls will crumble.
And in the end your heart remains the coward.
And the smile you now artificially wear will have to be painted and stiched in place
...eventually.

P.S. Purple Suits You.

Our Unmade Bed...

Why do we make our beds?

Do we make them just to ruin them?
Or do we ruin them just to make them?
Tell me...which one is more tedious...
to keep it ruined and never MAKE it?
or to keep it made...and never RUIN it?

So, let's keep this bed un-made...
isn't that always easier?

Dear 'Lo,

With death comes honesty.
SALMAN RUSHDIE, The Satanic Verses

Lying there...
...I wish I told you so much more.
I wish I told you every day how much I loved you.
I wish I told you what you meant to me...
how you took the time to listen to me.
How I KNEW you understood me.
I miss talking to you.
I miss you tickling me.
I miss your kisses on the top of my head.
I miss asking you stories about the "old" days.
I miss your smile. Your laugh.
And I know you're smiling now...


P.S. Do you miss 'La? Because I know she misses you.


-Love,
your "ap"; Ella.


Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~From a headstone in Ireland

I am the captain of my soul. I AM.

"Whatever you do, don't let her see you cry
Swallow your words.
Swallow your anger.
Swallow your pride."
-Carolee Dean

"Mr. Masquerade, you're getting good at this charade."
-Sarah Slean

"...not giving up on 'How We Were,' just moving on."

"You, sir, have lost YOUR mind."

You have no control over me.
You have no business in my brain.
You have no key to my heart.
You have no appreciation for my time.
You have no eyes for kindness.
You have nothing.

"No, sir, YOU'VE lost YOUR mind."
But yes, sir, I stand corrected... you do have a few things.
This, sir, is your CHECKLIST before you leave the house:
1) Pride
2) Arrogance
3) Selfishness
4) Greed
5) Ignorance
6) Ego
7) And your black heart (or what's left of it...). You don't want to forget that. In case you ever feel like being kind for once...HAHAHAHA, YEAH RIGHT. I'm just
... too funny.

EMBODYING...well let's just leave him/er ano.

The 2 Stories of One Story.

Don't call me Woman.
Don't call me Lady.
Don't call me Love.
Don't call me Baby.
Don't call me Honey, Sweetie Pie, Darlin',
Sugar or Mufin Ball.
Do me a favor...
...don't call me at all.


I'm not your pet, your child, your kitten.
I'm not impressed.
I am not smitten.
If you say I fight like a girl,
I will rearrange your world.

Don't give me flowers.
Don't give me grief.
Tell me you're leaving.

Give me relief.

________________________________________________
So why do I cry
When I see you go?
They ask me why?
I just don't know.
It's goodbye,
adios,
ciao,
adieu,
I needed a friend.
It could have been you.

MY BACK HURTS.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

The 4 walls that make my room...

I watched the paint climbing up the wall...
grey and silver stripes...consuming the bland white.
Neck and neck...they race...inching forward every second.
Their hearts compose a piece of wonder...a rhythmic passion...

And then they halt.
Realizing the pointless-ness in all of this.
Why sprint?
Why not meander?
Why not enjoy the scenery?
Why follow this set path?
I watch you following the track in circles...
it amuses me...do you not realize the whole world around you?
Do you not realize your potential?
Turn yourself inside out...
Spit out that heart...and throw it...JUST CHUCK IT AT THE WORLD.
Mother told me this is how you become a woman...
"...be accepting..."
...so here I am now...arms open.

"Seven things I LOVE about you"

SHAINE ARANDIA!!

Hearts and kisses, boo. Love ya! (L)

Why I love him:

1. He's sexy

2. He's funny

3. He makes me happy

4. We understand each other

5. We're always there for each other

6. He makes my heart melt every time I see him

7. He's great in bed and fulfils my needs!

Love,

Ella "the Motherfucking" Hipolito!

SUCKER!! LOVE YOU!!!-SA

EDIT: HAHA OMG SHAINE, YOU LITTLE HACKER! HAHAHAHA. FRICK. but half of it is true...#1-6. HAHA, dork.

"Time to take out the trash."

"I wish I could rip out a page of my memory because I put in too much energry...
can't wait till I get through this phase because it's killing me.
Too bad we can't re-write our own history.
Such a mystery.
Chances fading now.
Patience running out.
This isn't how it's supposed to be.
This [is] taking all of my energy.
Seems like only yesterday...
Not even gravity could take your feet off the ground when you were with me...
There's no use hiding from those memories.
PATIENCE RUNNING OUT.
How did we reverse the chemistry?
Now I can feel a change in me...
and I can't afford to slip much further from the person
I was meant to be. Not giving up...just moving on. Before this gets too deep...because you're taking all of my energy. I don't want us to be the enemy.
Killing me.
It's just taking all of my energy."

So...time to sleep...sleep you away. I'm done.

BITTERSWEET

Deep words falling out of your teeth...

...they're eating me up.
Consuming me.
I'm trapped.
I'm down here...and can't find my way up.
With this love gone sour...yes, I've lost my appetite.
"Fix this somehow..."I keep telling myself.
"Fix it...somehow...somehow...you can do this..."
I'M SO FRUSTRATED.
You words...they rot my teeth...(I can see yours are black.)

There's no more flavour.
Your words have gone bitter...
Once before...I remember...they WERE sweet...too sweet...

"HEY CASANOVA...IT'S OVER."

my heart is beating so fast...i'm certain it's unhealthy.

I know I'd be a bad driver...

...because despite all of the stop signs...I accelerate forward.
...my eyes REFUSE to see the red.
I'm so hesitant...
unsure of where to turn...
I constantly accelerate and brake...
...accelerate...and brake...accelerate...brake...accelerate..braaaaaaake.

You know...I almost hit you.
I almost collided with your world.
Your blue blue blue world.



I've opened your [blank]...and exited it all at once...without a single word.

I'll need you...just until the end of time.

You've got me paranoid.
"Don't be so paranoid."
They whisper to me...life has been dead.
Life is stirring now.
Grasp it.
BREATHE.
You've showed me......this is how it will be forever.
And I CAN FINALLY breathe...waking up to your breath
kissing my neck every morning.

I WANT TO DANCE.

I'm in heaven...I can hardly speak. Listen to my heart.
It'll do the talking. It'll keep time. One, ba duh, Two ba duh, Three ba duh.

I want to dance where laughter is every day talk.
I want to dance when the world stops turning.
I want to dance umbrella in hand, despite the clear skies.
I want to dance like a three year old does...so care-free and reckless...

unaware of the watching eyes...numb to the observers.
I want to dance with you. Let's dance cheek to cheek. Hand in hand.

Away with all embaressment.
My only reason for these blushing cheeks is that YOU'RE the one holding my hand...
and I am more than honoured.
I'm in love with you.
Let's dance.

YOU're so quiet

Friend, let's switch dreams...
I yearn to know your thoughts.
Let me pick at your brain.

Start with a hello...that so familiar and sadly unapproachable, "Hello."

They say...

So you want a heart?

You don't know how lucky you are not to have one.
Hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable.
And you set up all sorts of standards for yourself...to be this way and that and what not.
You fix yourself some sticks and strings...you realize you're doing the waltzing.
"Good, better, best. Never let it rest. Until your good is better and your better is best."
One, two step. One, two step. One, two turn.
It takes 2 to understand...takes one side to yearn and one to earn.
I've reasoned that it's love that keeps my heart beating for you...
It's love.
You're love.
That everything I do is for you...and you always come short of believing me.
What must I do?
Anyways, I've reasoned to never give-up and to never give-in.
And, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

I've come to many realizations of our world...of what I could make of it...
And there is a lot to make out of it.
"Actions speak louder than words but not nearly as often. "

Encounters and Us.

When it comes down to it...
...I only see you and me.

No one else.
(And yes, I know you're going to read this...

and yes, it's for you, love.)

On the side: Dear Jessica,
I thought of you when I saw these pictures that my friends in New York were sending around.
They're pictures of signs that are hung up in the skytrain stations...
you'll understand eventually...here we go:

MCH&T Numero 1.

=My Current Happenings & Thoughts (something new) :

Listening to: Bella's Lullaby...and my goodness...I think I'd like this to be played at my wedding...swear to God. It's gorgeous! (I was moved...almost cried. Seriously.)

Thinking about: My plans for tomorrow. And NOW I'm thinking that I've been doing that a lot...I have to remind myself to place myself in the now...MENTAL NOTE. (not technically..but whatever)

Whereabouts: Sitting at the dinner room table wrapped in a tinkerbell blanket.

Pulling : an "Ali" with all my nails painted black except one. HAHA.

Sigh.

I've learned a lot of things this week.
1) How much attitude I can have.
2) How much pride I can have
3) And that I can actually contain it...
4) And that I worry too much...I have to let loose and not think that that is that. Things CAN be fixed.

Ella got one of those hair splinters today...

...and didn't shed one tear
...even though it took a blow to her brain.
(And is currently suffering from a headache. It's all good.)

This one's for you...
and it's called OUR RESPECTED CORNERS: THE 2 OF OUR WORLD:

So crawl down to the south,
And I'll move onwards to the north.
We both know that it has worked previously...
meeting at the equator, that is.

We HAVE BEEN cooperative...at times.
Though rambunctious and searing...we've survived.
But not this time.
So turn to your corner of the world...
...and I'll turn to mine.

Though on opposite sides...
we still work together to move this world into an orbit.
Do you realize...
...that though we never meet, we still have the same objective?
The same goal.
To never communicate. To never come eye to eye...or HEART TO HEART. Like we always did before. We're still working together. DOESN'T THAT JUST FRUSTRATE YOU?

I got a hair splinter...in my heart. And let me tell you, I didn't [want to] even notice.

DIFFERENT FACES.

Different Faces. Different Places.

I read that on a poster in Social Studies 11 Class today whilst sitting beside Marvin (Soriano, not Gorospe.) and i know, I was supposed to be reading his speech but the poster kinda really caught my attention. (I'm sorry Marvin if you ever end up reading this.)

The complete phrase was="We are one people. Different Faces. Different Places. But we are still one."

It hit me...Different Faces. Different Places.
Our face is defined by our place.
The place shapes who we are...where we come from is home. HOME SHAPES US.
Home is our first play pen, our first downfall (tripping down the stairs, maybe), our first dinner, our first good cry in bed as we're falling asleep....
What we do with those memories and what we take from them shape our destiny...
If we played rough...we'll play rough...with HEARTS, with LOVE, with FAITH.
If we fall down...how do we pick ourselves up? Or do we continue rolling down the stairs?
If we ate as a family...treasured the moment and always left the head of the table empty...for him...even if he's not home. Will we treat men with respect? Or will we be proud? As we're saying grace...will we be keeping in mind the safety of that special man as he ventures into a world of hate and lies? We must NOT think that we can live without them. We can't.
NEVER SAY "I'M DONE WITH MEN." Because you're not.
He might've lied to you...but don't go lying to yourself.

If we cried when we fell asleep...did we hope to dream better dreams...or to wake up to the sun and a smile on our face? Will we be expecting the world to embrace us? To encapture us? To inspire? Will we allow ourselves to be captivated? Will we cry and forget? Or cry...and linger in misery?

WE MUST MOVE ON. WE MUST LEARN. WE MUST BE CAPTIVATED.

JS...YOU are my HEART'S MIND.

I'm gon' bust the windows out your car,
And no, it won't mend my broken heart.
I'll probably get some ugly scars,
But right now I don't care about that part.

I didn't wanna but I took my turn,
I'm glad I did it cause you had to LEARN.

I must admit it'll help a LITTLE BIT,
To think of how you'd feel when you saw it,
I don't know if I'll have that much strength,
BUT I'LL BE GLAD THAT YOU'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN

You can't just play with people's feelings,
Tell them you love them and don't mean it.
You'll probably say that it was juvenile
But I think that I deserve to smile

I'll bust the windows of your car,
You'll know I did it cause I'll leave my mark,
I'll write my initials with the crow bar
And then I'll drive off into the dark

You should feel lucky that that's all I'll do
After all these years of this bullshit
Gave you all of their hearts and you played with 'em.

YOU COULD NEVER FELT THE WAY THEY DID,
UNTIL IT HAPPENS BABY YOU DON'T KNOW PAIN.

After what you did...you deserve this...I won't be sorry.
You should be.

You caused me pain, so baby, I'll do the same.

Even though what you did was much worse,
I'll have to do something to make you hurt.

NOW WATCH US RULE.