I'm the sidewalk you always trip on..that always catches your fall.

This works.
It fits.
...I can do this. With him. A life with him? Yeah, I can. He's my home. Not only does the occupant know the home. The home knows the occupant. And in this way...people who come in...feel the love. I know why my parents like him too. It's because they feel it. I KNOW they do. He asked me today if I could do another month and 3 days without him. I didn't know what to say. I did...I did put on a facade that last month. I preferred to play it COOL...not REAL. I suffered. It was agony beyond agony. It was a pain like no other. I just didn't let him know that. I guess that's just me. It's my pride getting in the way.
I didn't want him to know how inadequate I felt without his hand in mine--how empty I felt without his shoulder to sleep on, on the bus going to school or how silent I realized it was without the ringing of his call or the sound of his step in line with mine. I felt beyond uncomfortable.
I felt lonely. I didn't tell him that.
I didn't tell anyone that.
I know this is extremely "old-school."
But...I don't want to look like the "girl who can't stand on her own 2 feet without a boyfriend."
I am independent. I am. I can go without a significant other.

I just can't go without HIM.
Even as my best (to me anyways, he didn't think he was) friend...I'd still feel this emptiness. Even if we weren't "together" I'd feel so apart. My saturday mornings wouldn't be complete without his phone calls early in the morning that consist of eating breakfast, watching SYTYCD and talking like we think we can dance. (Excuse the play on words.) My wednesday mornings wouldn't be complete without our shared hot chocolates from Liberty. And my sleep wouldn't be at all satisfying...because I'd wake up realizing he wasn't the last person I talked to...or the first voice I'd hear in the morning.
I want to wake up to his face in the morning. I want to feel his breath stroking my hair when he holds me. I want to KNOW he's there...to phone...to talk to...to bus to...

Dreaming about him...is amazing, don't get me wrong...however...
The pain...the sudden jolt of reality comes when I wake up and realize...it wasn't real.
And I'd start to count down the days...